Confusion in Emotions

All to often Christians are confused about emotions, whether they are telling us one thing, and the Holy Spirit is telling us another. For a long while I have struggled with this, and still struggle with it, but am becoming able to distinguish. I know in my past I have become so depressed, letting my emotions rule my life because of some sin that I have committed, that I would get down on myself, and tell myself that I was a completely wicked and horrible sinner, and that there was absolutely nothing good in me. Like John Owen said "every thought of unbelief would be atheism, should it grow to its head." Well that is what it became to me, I would think that there is no way that I could be saved, which intern would turn to all kinds of other thought, and ultimately atheistic thoughts.

Reading verses in Romans, only made my depression worse bringing me lower. If we are dead with Christ, and no longer live to sin, how is it that I continue to sin. It was a perpetual mystery, and my Christian walk became a continual roller coaster of ups and downs. I prayed and asked the Lord to help me with this depression, a depression I did not understand. How was I to obey a law, that I could not perfectly obey, to become holy as the Lord is holy.

That happened to be the time that I studied about God having two wills in the law. At that point I began to realize more and more, that what I was allowing to drive me to depression, was meant to draw me to Christ. I like many other Christians, was turning religion into legalism, I was trying to completely and perfectly obey the law. Then when I was unable to obey the law it would depress me, and I would feel like a horrible wicked sinner. So I would then strive harder, only leading me back down, hence the roller coaster. I began to tack on a form of ascetism, denying myself other things, thinking that it would help. But all was in vain. All I could do was think what is wrong with me?

When I wrote about God's will and the law, the picture became clear to me of what I had done. I was becoming legalistic, trying to prove myself righteous, rather than drawing to Christ. That is why we have conviction, is to show us the areas that are wrong in our lives, to draw us to Christ for strength and forgiveness

Christ knows that we are imperfect beings incapable of obeying his law completely, that is why he gave his life for us so that we could find refuge and a place to find that peace which we were unable in ourselves to find. That is why we have conviction, to show and remind us of our weakness in our flesh and making us fly to Christ for forgiveness and strength for the battle.

I would say, that probably the number one reason for depression in the Christian faith is a lack of understanding of scripture, of the joy and peace that we obtained in Christ. Rather we turn to a form of legalism in our lives and our churches, to form rules and regulations what constitutes a good holy Christian. While inside we hate it or become unable of ourselves to live up to the expectations. That is where Christians get their bad names, because when someone comes into the congregation that looks different that our regulations then we shun them. Christians have forgotten that with Christ there is freedom. As Christians we must get back to the fact that we are not perfect nor will be until we get to heaven, this in no way gives us a license or liberty to sin, so we must draw closer to the Lord with every conviction and find relief and strength from Christ to overcome sin. For with every sin that through Christ we find release, the more sanctified Christ makes us, for Christ works in us to will and to do of his good pleasure.

So if you struggle with depression from sin, it is ok, you have only to draw to Christ to find relief and strength. Also remember that the conviction is not to depress us but to draw us close to Christ with a broken and contrite heart, then we will find peace and joy. The conviction is meant to draw us to Christ, not to bring us to the point of depression.